Do Couples Need to Share Friends?
There was a time when I heard that when you’re in a relationship/marriage that your friends should be his friends and his friends should be your friends. But is that really how it should be? I’m starting to think that the answer is no. I will be honest, for a long time I thought that when you decide to combine your life with someone, i.e. start a relationship, that you should combine everything. I thought family, friends, finances and everything should be shared. Most of this I still agree with this but the one thing I don’t is friends.
First thing I will remind you is that people are different. Even though you may find a million things in common with someone there will always be differences between you too. Your upbringing and experiences cause people to feel a certain way about things and go about things their own way. You must respect those differences if you are going to have any kind of relationship.
When you decide to embark on a relationship with someone it’s natural to want to know their friends and the people that they choose to spend their time with. I think getting to know their friends is necessary because these people are obviously important in their lives. Besides that fact that you can hear some stories they may try to hide. Getting to know their friends can help you learn about a side of them that they may not have shown you yet. But what do you do after you get to know these people and realize that even though you love your mate, you don’t want to be part of their circle? Will it destroy your relationship? Will things be okay?
I think that partly depends on the relationship that you have. Like I’ve said in previous articles, it’s important that you have your own life. There is no need to immerse yourself completely in theirs and forget about yours. For this very reason I don’t feel like their friends have to become yours. I think it’s good that you know who their friends are and a little about them but you don’t need to be a part of their group if it doesn’t suit you. Yes, everything would be easier if you did but it would also eliminate you two giving each other the space that is needed for a healthy union. It’s cool to dip in and out every once in a while but I don’t believe in getting close with everyone. To me they’re your mate’s friends and their obligation is to your mate and not you. If something goes wrong, they’re gonna be on their friends side and you may be left out in the cold. If there is anything your mate is hiding, they’re gonna keep that secret and look you right in the face as if nothing’s wrong.
For those reasons, I believe in not forcing a friendship if there isn’t automatically a connection between them and you. They love that person and so do you, as long as you all respect each other’s places in their lives I feel that everyone should be able to coexist!