Last I talked about motherhood with you all I was 4 months pregnant. Well I am happy to announce that on Saturday, October 18, 2014 at 9:22am I gave birth to a baby boy who I named Justin Alexander Weightman. I won’t bore you with the horror of childbirth but I will tell you how motherhood has been thus far.
I love being a mom! When people told me that once I saw him all the pain would have been worth it, I thought they were crazy. But it’s seriously worth it! I have even contemplated doing it again even though in the hospital I refused the idea. I don’t think there is a more rewarding title than being a parent. What’s funny though is that I still can’t believe I have a son. Through all the pain and the looking at him every day it still shocks me that I’m someone’s Mom. This little person totally dependent on me has forced me to grow up quite a bit. I’m still me but my focus has changed into what I can do to make his life better. Bettering me will ultimately benefit him so that’s what I’m all about. I’m quite defensive about him. I watch anyone that holds him intently. I will hurt you about mine!
I will admit that I went through some depression once I got home. I was exhausted! I was barely eating or sleeping. I had help but I wasn’t really taking advantage of it. I was trying to be Super Mom and do it all on my own but that was leading me down a dark road. I would be angry at him for constantly crying and mad at myself because I couldn’t comfort my baby. I’m so thankful that my boyfriend’s mother was around to talk to me and help me understand that what I was feeling was normal. I eventually came out of it and began to enjoy my gift.
Having Justin has brought out a side of me I didn’t know and I feel like it’s brought me and Aaron closer together. We’re in this parenting journey together and it’s helped to know that I’m not alone in this. Whatever I’m not that great at doing he is and vice versa.
I never thought in life I could love someone so much. I created this little human who I absolutely adore. I miss him so much when we’re apart. He recognizes who I am and it makes me feel good that he smiles when he sees me and that he prefers to fall asleep in my arms over anyone else’s. My son is a comfort to me and I know on any bad day it will change the moment I see him. I have to do everything for him but he’s done so much for me.