This is a subject that would be good for all of is to learn. The reason for this article is very personal but I know that everyone can relate. This article is dedicated to my cousin Kemi, whom we’ve recently lost.
We all know that we’re going to die and so will the people around us. We don’t know if they’ll go before us or after, just that at some point it happens. Even though we know this we still are shocked by it. No matter whom it happens to, when, or the matter in which it happens. You never get used to death. No matter how many funerals we attend it is never something that we say, “It just happens.”
Not since July 31st have I thought about too much else besides her and my son. Her passing came as a shock that is very much affecting a lot of my relatives. For me, I can’t get over the age. She was 35. Another thing that is hard to get over is how much we were alike. I saw so much of myself in her that I really do feel like some of me died. You never imagine going through your life without certain people. She was one of those. It never crossed my mind that there would be a time where I would pick up the phone and she not be there. This hurts more than any death I’ve had to deal with and I know I won’t get over it and that scares me. I won’t get over this, I will figure out how to cope but I will never be completely okay with her being gone.
I think about how excited she was about me becoming a mother and she won’t get to meet him and the fact that he won’t get to meet her. Our children should meet great people that helped shape their parents and this is one person that Justin won’t meet. He’ll know about her. He’ll know so much about her but he won’t get to experience her love and kindness. For that I am most sad. My son won’t get to meet a great person that helped his Mommy become who she is.
My point in writing this is two-fold. One is to get this off my chest. I think writing can be very cathartic. Two is to say that no one is promised to us. I’m not the most religious person but I do believe in God and I believe that people are on loan to us. He sends people in our lives to serve a purpose and to teach us something, whether good or bad. They are not always meant to spend their whole life in yours. People come and go but they all leave some type of impression on you. We learn from everyone we come in contact with. I’ve learned that you can’t be afraid to tell someone that you love them and that your world is better because they’re in it. It’s hard to say to someone in their face but I’m telling you now that nothing hurts more than me not ever telling Kemi how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. How much knowing her helped me know me. I will always regret that. People should love you while they have you. It’s true that one person could be here today and gone tomorrow. I’ve seen someone and thirty minutes later they had died. I know the importance of cherishing people now. I want to make the effort for people to know I care even if we can’t see each other. I hadn’t seen Kemi in a while and if I had known then that it would’ve been the last time I saw her you probably would’ve had to pry me for her. I would’ve told her all I wanted to say. I pray that she’s heard me the last few days and know how much she’s loved by us all. I try to tell everyone I love them once I leave their presence because you just don’t know. We assume because we’re young we have all the time in the world, we don’t. I only worry about my older relatives but understand now that it could be any of us at any time.
I’m not saying to focus on death because that’s no way to live but if we get mad at one another let’s not stay mad. We never know if those angry words will be the last they hear from us. That’s a regret not of us should have to live with.
Cherish one another!