WGMG XX: Rise of The Moor
Now, I know what most of you are saying. “Where in the f*** did you get the balls to make a website, a twitter account and a facebook fan page just because you wrote about how you get tired of shit from time to time!? Why can’t you just be like other ordinary n***as and run a Papa Murphy’s somewhere on the west side of town!?” Well, from the bottom of my heart, I would not like to apologize. I do not apologize for the fact that you’re all slowly coming to terms with the impending reality that I am not, nor have I ever been an “ordinary n***a”.
I’m so far from being an ordinary n***a, that I actually censor the word n***a whenever I type it. That’s right bitch n***as, just like that I’m raising the bar on you. I’m actually in a strange place in my life because of what I’ve been doing on the website. Bringing back the old school broadcasting and doing parodies for ya’ll. And then there’s the serious journalism, too. You see, no one ever tells you early on that the very second you create this platform for sharing the unbiased and unedited truth, you open yourself to every form of unfiltered news reports available to the wandering eye. You don’t understand, see I’m about to be 32 years old in a month, so being a father to my 6 yrs old daughter increases my stress when considering what is actually going on in the country around us. I just had my first panic attack last year and I thought I was about to f**king die! You ever have a panic attack in front of your spouse and felt like your spouse doesn’t take you seriously? You know it’s because they know they caused the shit, so they try to convince you it’s nothing until you’re calmed down.
I Am a CEO…
That’s been my biggest change since turning 31; I’ve learned not to entertain ignorance and drama in all of its forms. I hate these memes and statuses about how people don’t fight for relationships anymore, that’s the problem. Too many people looking to fight every f***ing thing and everyone. At some point you have to realize that you are just yelling for the sole purpose of letting the neighbors know where you are and that you may be about to instigate a potential crime scene. I’m just saying. I find peace in talking my problems out, if I have to try and talk over you then we’re not about to fix shit today! You got to communicate effectively nowadays, your IPhone/Android don’t give a f**k if you get along with your girlfriend/boyfriend. That’s why they make more apps that talk back to you. I downloaded an App back in September called “Fuhdatbych.mpeg” for my Samsung Galaxy. I was disgusted! It was like Siri but it was mad ratchet as hell. Talking bout her name was Rochelle, and she don’t like bitches f***ing with her shit. I hated that App; she was always talking shit about my exes, and clowning me about dating outside of my race. No bullshit, this damn thing had the nerve to Google Map my whereabouts one day and, then tried to get my phone shutdown because I was “too close to that one bitch house”. I tried to leave the phone at Sprint like “Man, you got to take this phone back and get another one sent back to me.” The clerk looked at me like, “Can’t you just delete the App out of it yourself?” Rochelle jump in, “He actin’ like real bitch right now and can’t man up and delete me like a real n***a! You ol’ f*g ass…” We were shocked because the battery was in my pocket the whole time she was cussing me out. It was scary. Some of you may not like to hear this from me but, I’m going to say it anyway. But a lot of you reading this have a man at home right now playing his PS4, XBOX ONE or something prior to those if they’re smart. They are playing their Madden, College games or MLB, UFC, WWE, NBA, FIFA or whatever. But they are not just playing as other teams, because no matter the game, every man is playing their franchise mode. Now the franchise mode is the option to step into the shoes of an owner a seriously build your team into a dynasty but only when your franchise is established under whoever is your star player. Now I could lose my man card and get my place fire bombed for this by men everywhere but I’m going to let it out, shit it’s WGMG XX!! All men approach relationships like an acting CEO of a company or sports team. Now to some of the women reading this, you’re chuckling because naturally you want to dismiss this as something you already know. But see that is why you are unemployed and team less now. But we are living in the age where the men with the most thug like tendencies of my generation are left questioning or defending their sexuality whereas the males that were considered more nerd like because they were playing these video games have steadier relationships and are more confident in what they want due to the fact that they did not have a girl to jump up and down on a regular, they just had the franchise mode. When you are the owner, you get to work out how your star player suits up from head to toe. Why? Because when they’re out on the court/field they are representing you. So you make sure you are they are well taken care of and that they have the proper attire to function in. You make sure your star player is financially compensated and well respected among your organization. Why? Because ultimately, you wanted the same thing your franchise player wanted besides the possibility of more money for your organization. You both want that ring! So you both grind it out, Christmas & Thanksgiving is like the All-Star Break or Bye Week to see what new developments you added to your skill set for the season. Birthdays are the pretty much the playoffs. However, after a while of going after that ring something happens to some star players, where they star doing less and demanding more. They start under performing and challenging your leadership. They turn to twitter, facebook to throw shade about your organization. Like they weren’t just in the Draft two years ago talking about what they would do if they had the opportunity to show what they could do. See some star players tend to forget… They needed a job. Now if we have our star player acting up and you realize you can’t get a ring with their attitude, you either, cut them and rebuild from scratch or you trade them for 3 future draft picks to be named at a later date. Because it’s not that simple to just go find a replacement and be back in contention for a ring, unless you have a wonderful human resource department we know nothing about.
We Catch What We Know How to Hunt…
I’ve never been a person that gets hung up on dating other races and nationalities like that. Yes, I’ve dated out my race before. I’ve dated Caucasian, Hispanics, and Koreans & Blacks with no racial tensions, whatsoever. Does that make me a sell out? No. That makes me outgoing and an equal opportunist. In most cases, I practice affirmative action in my relationships. If I was looking for a woman to be in a relationship, and there was one of a different race but she fit most of the qualifications for what I was looking for according to her resume and had good references, then of course she would be considered. However, if there’s another woman, that is as black as me and just as qualified to be with me, then I’ll pick my kind. Fuck her! If you haven’t asked a woman with some Eskimo in her for head and had her rub her nose across the tip of your penis for 45 seconds only to stop and demand $300, then you’d appreciate sticking to what you know. I’m actually being very nice right now because there was a time when I was mad at today’s women. I was not ready for the role change so suddenly. You see, today’s woman is actually yesterday’s man to certain degree. The only role that stayed the same is that we are still hunters at heart, it is in our DNA. But we are more conservative in this field today. We catch what we know how to hunt. I hunt black women and don’t think for one second that it is easy. It takes true skills to hunt an aggressive black woman now. Whatever works for my race would never work for another unless she was raised in a familiar habitat. You can’t just walk up to a black woman today and just say “Hi”, without being called a f*ggot and being cussed out sarcastically. “I hope you don’t think you supposed’ to get some p***y with that ol’ f*g ass pick-up line? Oh so I’m suppose’ come take my pants off for that bullshit!?” You’ll just go walk into traffic to save yourself the embarrassment. You could catch a Caucasian woman with some fruits and nuts in your hand, or some shit like that. But an aggressive black woman you got to bring a stick to the bus stop and swat the IPhone out of her hand in the middle of her texting, then you got to stare her down to show her you’re on her aggressive level too. But I seriously love my black women though because there is nothing like them on earth. Your woman has to have at least some black in her for you to appreciate that experience. Don’t let the stereotype get you into some bullshit! Caucasian women are more pleasant up front, but if you f**k up one time they’ll turn cold as ice on you. You could let them spend the night and have the best sex ever with her. The next day you’ll get a conversation like this from her:
“Breakfast!? I’ll call a cab and all, you can just ask Habibi to drop you off at Denny’s or some shit.”
“Oh… I see. So why did you do what you did to me?”
“I didn’t want to but you made me do…”
“Oh shit! Lemme’ go make this chick some eggs before she f**k my shit up! DAMN!”
You will be in your living room with your boys waiting faithfully by the phone for that “You didn’t rape me text”. You’ll show it to everyone you see just to cover your tracks like these people will stop the police before they ever come to your front door.
Ball Licking Lesbians…
When I hear people talk about other professions that they themselves have never been involved with or even learned, it bothers me to the extent that I have been ignoring comments to refrain from subjecting myself to arguments that end up going nowhere. In today’s society, people find themselves becoming experts overnight in things they no nothing about in its entirety. Like a bunch of ball licking lesbians, criticizing every dick they see in woman’s vicinity. Now don’t get me wrong, because I got a feeling people will look at me like I’m Homophobic. I’m not. I believe everyone should be allowed to love the person that they love. In that same breath, I acknowledge what they have went through in seeking equal rights in this world and by all means keep fighting, but you will not see me comparing your struggles in civil rights to anything the blacks, the native americans and the Jews went through for theres. And I’ve seen a lot of shirts and comparisons from the LGBT community that should have been chin checked a long time ago but instead went unaddressed because of “tolerance“. That is biggest pile of bullshit I’ve ever heard! First off, no one should settle for the entire world to tolerate you when it comes to your civil rights, you should want them to recognize your right to exist. People tolerate fads. People tolerated President Bush. People tolerate Kanye West. Hell, right now we are actually getting sick of tolerating the fact that Justin Bieber is around. Meaning we know at some point all of that will eventually go away. Look at Paris Hilton! See that’s the difference. Look, I’ll always applaud your efforts and accomplishments because the fact remains that its not fair how you’re viewed in society at all. But thats where it stops for me. Last time I checked you had the right to keep who and what you do in your bedroom to yourself. The Jewish, the Native Americans and Black communities were considered walking dead by their names and skin colors alone. That’s why when you hear me refer to someone as a ball licking lesbian, just know that I ‘m referring to a walking contradiction in every sense. Take Charlemagne the God for example, I’ll admit I think his brand of humor is funny from time to time but after a while you end up wondering if there is even anyone listening in to know how far he takes things. I find it very funny when you are on a platform that allows you to flop balls in and out while you say things to garner attention and in the same breath you used on those balls, you follow it with an invite to a discussion man to whom ever has beef with your ball licking remarks aimed at their expense. However, when some people does take that invite you’re on camera running through oncoming traffic like Will Smith in a summer film because some goons were looking to see if you would say the same thing without hiding behind the mic and booth. You didn’t. It wasn’t until he got back in that same booth and behind that same mic, that he even address it. Another Ball Licking Lesbian that comes to mind is Drake. Not because he makes the kind of music you can create a Human Centipede to, but if you look at the aftermath of his not so bad but, still forgettable rap album and right after Grammy night you got to see his inner B.L.L. truly shine through. We all know that the Best Rap Album of the 2013, according to Grammy’s guidelines of fiscal award year, was pretty tight between the commercialism of Macklemore’s album and the lyrical dexterity Kendrick Lamar’s album. One had all of the major hit songs and the other had the sound of a complete rap/hip-hop album. So the Grammy had to go to either one of them. It was skill set versus success and they chose the most successful. He was an indie underdog that kept his name on the Billboards like a boss but even he knew Kendrick was THE MC of 2013. He even defined the level respect for the real accomplishments of Hip-Hop/Rap by messaging Kendrick Lamar and admitting that he robbed him of a well deserved award. Now hold onto Pharell’s hat for this next scene because then… Enter Drake or Ball Licker The Lesbian Dragon. However you chose to acknowledge him at this point, I don’t really care. Better yet let’s call him the “Minimal Non-Literal Subliminal Criminal Killin’ You like a Ball Licking Lesbian in Drowning in Your Swimming Pool”. Now, here comes the M.N.L.S.C..K.Y.L.A.B.L.L.I.D.I.Y.S.P. To the rescue of his own tramped on ego. This is the same Ball Licker that used to refuse mentioning Chris Brown’s, Common’s, Ludacris’s, Big Sean’s, Kendrick Lamar’s and even Chief Keef’s names even as they were calling him out by name and song for all of his quick disses, subliminal shots and excessive ball licking lesbianism. I made that word, whatever f**k you! He pops the enough balls out of his mouth long enough to go on a rant about how Macklemore shouldn’t owe anyone an apology for winning the award. But if he felt the need to apologize to Kendrick then he should’ve apologized to everyone else nominated. Then he gets mad at starts ranting huge balls of fire at the Rolling Stone magazine for pushing his photo to the left for memorializing the late actor, Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Of course, after these tirades the balls went back in his mouth for more licking. Granted it may have made Macklemore look weak to some that never understood the culture of the music but, those that did looked at Mackelmore as an MC that knew when to respect someone that achieved a higher level of lyrical ability that some “MCs” only assume they’ll have. If you’re not in the rap game to have beefs and talk greasy to others that are doing the same as you, then stick to what you know. Because those were your words and rules you placed on yourself to follow and to keep those that could clown you lyrically from ripping your successful but still brief career to shreds. But you show the true Ball licker in you the moment you go after the one that poses no threat to you whatsoever. Not because of skill, either, just because he actually didn’t get into this culture to make beefs just inspirational music.
Throw Out Whatever Logic You Think You Know…
We should have never let Michael Jordan play for the Wizards. For what!? Did Jerry West have to play past his prime, to own a team? Did Kevin McHale have a prime to even pass before he took ownership of the T’Wolves? We should have never let Michael Jordan play for the Wizards. I’ll never forgive myself for that and neither should anyone else. Every month, we lock our doors and turn off our TVs while mobs of you ungrateful sneaker bitches “Purge” our cities of those individuals you feel are undeserving of those simple ugly ass sneakers from Jordan. But where were these mobs when they told him he couldn’t own the Bulls. How the f*** do you give a city 6 championship trophies, a booming economy for 30 plus years so far and changed the financial landscape of an entire sport only to be told you cannot have ownership the team you built into a dynasty? Shoe endorsements, sports drinks, the basically made Nike into NIKE©. Why did we ever let Michael Jordan play for the Wizards!!! Maybe its because they know if they did give the Bulls to Michael Jordan, it would never be back in the hands of white man again. Oh fix your face! You know its true. And if you’re wondering why would any white owner rather let a team fail and be sold before turning it over to a black man? I’ll tell you… You see the older we get the wider those history books open up and the wider they open up, the more you uncover about what is really being crossed out and hidden from your knowledge. When Morgan Freeman bit the head off of that penguin and spit it in the face of that guy from 60 Minutes, just before setting the record straight on his feelings on celebrating Black History Month, you saw a man with the golden voice of 10,000 velvet pancakes damn near lose his chill on national TV. And deep down, we all knew he was right for saying it, the only mixed message was why people believed he said it. To those that didn’t understand his motives or feelings they assumed he meant that Black History Month is stupid altogether. The majority of Black Americans don’t even care and it’s a complete joke to us. And if we don’t care about it then, why should any other race show us respect for any period of time even if it is for only 28 days and during the NBA All Star Weekend. For those that did understand his motives behind his words knew something even more sinister, and people get ready to renew those library cards, pay those internet bills and update those Google apps because what I’m about to say is all documented knowledge. It is common knowledge that the actual history of our civilizations origin is being controlled, hidden and rewritten. Those in power that control religion, control our worlds history and real truth of our history would shake the very foundation of their Trillion dollar empire. Because the truth is that long before slavery, long before the middle passage, long before any imperial rule in Europe, Spain, South America, Asia, America or anywhere else; our world’s entire civilization was as Black as me. Now I’ll give you all moment to process this………………………………………………. Alright, I’m back! Oh you really thought that new “Noah” film was going to be more realistic and accurate. No! That would be stupid!! Hollywood knows none of you would pay a dime to see Noah played by Idris Elba. And as beautifully accurate as it would be, Hollywood knows you would never take Halle Berry playing the greatest Queen, let alone the most influential ruler of all times, Cleopatra, seriously. Regardless of all of the earliest art depictions of history locked inside of the Vatican that the U.S. knows only a handful of you will ever see in comparison with our entire U.S. Population. But as long as we’ve been a country we have justified every crime and act of evil intent with a flashy and witty one liner to avoid the fact that we are not quite what we seem. “When fact becomes legend, print the legend.” That is our creed when it comes to world history. When would your school tell you that Martial Arts was created by man named Bodhiharma, an African man as black as me that walked throughout Asia and based on the animals he encountered in his travels began to craft the style Martial Arts? Why would your high school music teacher acknowledge that classical music all the way to the very first classical piano stemmed from Africa’s Kalimba? They will have you believe a bunch of Moors invaded these already established empires, raped the women and killed everyone that had no rhythm while resembling a gang of Yanni’s in turbans and hammer pants. This is another reason why people in Europe look at us with disrespect because we have no sense of our own history and yet we think we are the shit! People overseas see these relics and historical documents decorating their pubs and other places of business everyday, all because those that know their true value purchased these items to pass down within their own families. But we beat our chest, and stomp our feet and have no idea why there are so many people of a different color around but we give a compelling reason why we shouldn’t care about it. That is until a crime occurs, or a presidential election is on the line then we got to draw some lines in the sand right away. Like I said before, “When fact becomes legend, you print the legend.” Now I’m not trying to be preachy, or say something that I have never bothered to look into myself. I say this because history is history and as a parent, if you’re going to pay all that money to give your child an education; they better damn well educate them to the fullest degree with the whole truth. But they won’t because if this world knew the truth collectively, there would be an all out war. In Asia there are Black tribes. In South America there are Black tribes. In Australia, Korea, India, Greece, you name it we were there. And their genealogy extends all the way to rise of civilizations before a Roman Empire even existed. We brought these civilizations knowledge of the stars, alchemy and navigation. Look it up for yourself if you don’t believe me! I had to do it myself and I’m a better person for it. All it took was for a Caucasian college professor with a PHD in teaching to recommend the film Hidden Colors 1 & 2 to learn what questions I truly needed to ask in order to find the true answers to where we all come from. Because of him, I’m proud to say that I will never be a Ball Licking Lesbian, ever! Can you?
As usual, I ask everyone do not to take direct offense to anything I write. It is merely for satire and entertainment purposes. Be sure to like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, comment and subscribe to check out both of our most popular blog series this year Helena Gudell’s WONDERLAND every Monday & Wednesday. A Spice of Life w/ Suga every Tuesday & Thursday. Also check out our Brew City Express podcast show, it only comes out every other Friday, so twice a month you get great interviews and special programming from us for your entertainment. Besides we’ll be moving soon to our website so you should get acquainted to our shit before you look us up one day and realize we’re already gone. I mean, what you think this is!? You think I’m making up how popular we are for shits and giggles!? That’s why we leave our contact information for you to connect with us. We love to hear from you… They love to hear from you… Someone would love to hear from you… No one is listening to you… We don’t even read. But you get to make it look really nice for those that skim through our shit like Ball Licking Lesbians that didn’t get this far in life like you did. Cause you’re a winner. Thank you to the staff god bless and stay tuned for more WGMG or whatever, f**k you.