A Spice of Life w/ Suga: Starting From the Bottom

Started From The BottomStarting From The Bottom/Foundation Building

What we all want is to sustain a life-long, healthy relationship. But how do you do it? What do you need to have going for yourself before committing to a relationship? There are key things that you may want to be building towards within yourself before embarking on a potentially serious relationship.

Most importantly, you need to love yourself. It is true that you can’t love anyone else if you don’t love yourself first. How can someone get you to believe you’re beautiful if you can’t see the beauty within yourself? How can you believe someone when they say they love you if you’ve never loved yourself? Eventually, a lack of self-love will be detrimental to your relationship and you will doubt their love because you feel you are undeserving of it. Having insecurities will break a relationship up real fast.

It is necessary to be content with being alone and I don’t mean lonely. Being alone and lonely are two VERY different things. Being content alone is important because your significant other cannot be around you 24/7 and you shouldn’t want them to. Giving each other space is very important for a healthy relationship. You get to miss each other and then when you two come back together, you enjoy quality time more. Also a person should add to your happiness; not be the reason for it. People come and go, as do relationships. If you’re only happiness is being in a relationship this may add unwanted pressure on your man/woman to keep you happy and that will give you a false sense of security. If they can’t be honest with you for fear of making you unhappy you no longer have an authentic relationship.

It is also important to leave your baggage at the door. And by baggage I mean anger, resentment and bitterness. You can’t begin to expect a new relationship to go anywhere if you are holding on the pain of the past. Your new mate is not supposed to have to deal with your leftover, unresolved issues. This is why jumping from one relationship to the next is not a good thing. Take your time and heal, if not for your next relationship, do it for your own mental health. Every break between relationships is time to make you a better person and time to reflect on your part in the break up.

Financial stability is essential. No one should have the expectation of being taken care of financially in ANY relationship. We all saw, “Waiting to Exhale” and the downside of not having your own money. When they say money is power, it is true to some degree. When you have no money, your mate may sometimes look at it as giving up control. You have no money, therefore you have no say. They make all the decisions and you may not have any say in what goes on in your household. There is also a respect factor involved. Your opinions and ideas are much more respected if you look at each other equally.

Knowing what you don’t want in a relationship is just as important as knowing what you do. We all have expectations of what we want a relationship to be. This is again why it’s important to use those breaks to figure that out. Every relationship, good or bad, teaches you something about yourself. It is up to you to recognize what those things are. Each relationship will show you different things as well. One relationship will show you the good things about you, while the next one will point out all the bad things. What you want to change is completely up to you.

Be prepared to put in work. Relationships are wonderful but they are work and if you find someone that understands that then that’s half the battle. Relationships can change you in ways you’ve never expected. And having some of the tools in place may make the transition into a new relationship a little easier.

Now, I’m here to answer any questions and help you get through your relationships. No question is too crazy so drop me a line at spicewitsuga@gmail.com and subscribe to view my replies. As long you keep it real w/ Suga, then believe that Suga will keep it real w/ you. Till’ then take care and go get yo’ life…

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