WGMG XVII: The RIse of Vines

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October 26, 2013 at 3:33pm

“Time to save the world

Where in the world is all the time?

So many things I still don’t know

So many times I’ve changed my mind

Guess I was born to make mistakes

But I ain’t scared to take the weight

So when I stumble off the path

I know my heart will guide me back”

Erykah Badu excerpt from “Didn’t You Know?”

In yet another fall edition of WGMG, we tread along the lines of borderline lunacy and pensive regrets.

I believe a famous wordsmith once stated,

“… On the rise to the top many drop, don’t forget

In order to survive you got to learn to live with regrets.”

And if I’m not mistaken, he is living rather well for now. Yeah life is like a box of chocolates cause, it’ll give you the sugars and shit (I’m almost certain Tom Hanks did not say that. Bubba maybe bu-) but, that really doesn’t tell you much. Does it? We have to live with some pretty harsh choices that we’ve made throughout life that have shaped our futures into various directions that completely opposite of the path we sought to travel originally; Maybe for good reason, maybe for bad. If this is true, then let us be honest with ourselves for once in our lives. This world that we live in is a product of all of our worst fears, manifested through our previous choices. Now before you huff and puff (Take that. Take that) and storm off from your computer desk talkin’ shit and calling this long winded and boring, I encourage you… If you can stop to check out a frumpy face cat, a twerkless video probably featuring your niece or random dumbasses actin’ crazy on molly’s; I’m sure a little honest opinion on where this might all stem from should be a cake walk. Still unconvinced? Ok. Think about this:

The Rise of Vines –

“And I’m over niggas sayin’ they’re the hottest niggas/

Then run to the hottest niggas just to stay hot/

I’m one of the hottest because I flame drop/

Drop fire, and not because I’m name dropping…”

It doesn’t take a genius to know that technology is always changing, but what it’s changing into is what is the most confusing. I know I get jokes like “Dude, I saw Mr. Williams driver license. No lie… The n***a is 67 years old.” Well, I can’t help it if I used to go to school with your oldest sister. I kick myself everyday knowing that at one point in time, I was this close to being your favorite uncle. But it’s cool, I’m still learning to live with regrets. That being said I can’t imagine what life would have been like had this VINE shit been around when I was younger. I mean, as if we’re not already obsessed enough with social media and pop culture. Now, we all have a chance to turn our lives into a series of inter-changeable jokes, aggravated assaults, twerks and various forms of child abuse coupled with a side of animal torture. (That’ll be $22.50) If your cat/dog was meant to run into shit and be scared to death for your enjoyment, I’m pretty sure the person you bought/stole them from would have given you flash drive/catalog of some their previous work. “And this is the time we scared muffins so bad, he ran into the oven and had a concussion. She broke her neck but it was so cute, though!” People! Vine is hilarious at times… But why is there such a high demand for us to watch these now? Oh… For the twerking, you say? Let’s address the need to view the phatty boom boom for a minute. Now all these tramps (and we do use that term loosely), are poppin’ they’re pelvis in the same scenes, to the same songs and yet again they get the same reaction. Almost a million hits and likes across the board. But we think no big deal right? Now, what if it was your little sister? Would you still shrug it off or stand up? Ok, so a few of you still have some form of morality. Alright, now what if it was your little brother? (Ain’t that a b****?!) Look at some of ya’ll heathen asses! Somebody out there is looking at the screen right now and got the nerve to say, “… WELL, IF THAT’S WHAT HE LIKES!!!” Whatever, we’ll see… Cause now, I want you to picture your children or siblings children twerkin’ in their draws; except this time, they’re in front of a room full of other n****s filming them. I dare you shrug that shit off and not go to jail for jumping your child tonight as a warning. I’ll even wait while you think it through…………………………………………………………………………………… You’re still here? (GOD is good!) Speaking of whooping asses, I thought they were locking parents up for hitting their kids and putting the videos of it online for other people’s amusement. So why is it acceptable for these b****es to smack the shit outta their parents and post the video for millions more to share. That, honestly, is the biggestF.U.” to the American parent I have ever seen. Kid smacks parent with a full milk jug, a thousand hits and likes by the afternoon. Parent gets up and knocks kid the f*** out while camera is still rolling, a couple thousand dollar fines and a several nights in jail before your next payday. FOH!!! Vine only shows me the true hypocrisy and the lowered attention span of our human race. Out with the old… Now, look at her booty.

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