WGMG XIII: No Country For Any Men


March 28, 2013 at 12:32am

The last, one on one, fist fight I ever had was with a man that was 6’2″ from Chicago.


It was epic to me being in a Marine Corps Boot Camp surrounded by people that are trained to be on their toes to kill at will. It was like we were wild dogs that had been shitted on by our masters, ran silly and sideways and, marching up and down the square. We had a huge chip on our shoulder after a while. If you eyeballed us we would have tore your heart out and ate it in front of your family if it meant our drill instructors would cut us slack. We were just in a seminar about CPR and he thought I coughed on his back because I sat behind him. He was actually trying to check me like “N****, stop coughing. Period.” Me being me, I figured this boot camp is no different than a yard in some jail house and this fool is no different than cell mate trying me. I could have backed down and looked like a schmuck in front of my platoon of men and make them look wek or I could pop the f*** off and fly a few punches to the nose before he gets the chance to eat me (no homo. just talking edible). I threw a few at him. He picked me up. I kept firing punches to his face. He cocked back his left hand to finish me off. Then my Squad Leader, a big indian guy, 6’6″, caught that arm and left him on the ground quicker than you could say “Ho-Chunk”. After I that, a brawl broke out between our platoon and theirs. Then we were seperated til the next day. The very next day we all had to work together holding our Drill Instructors up on log platforms the size of Will Smith’s ego and we couldn’t fight because we needed them and they needed us to hold this ridiculously huge object for no real reason other than to teach us a lesson. No matter what we fought and felt about each other, at the end of the day we all have to work together to make this whole thing work. No matter how f***** up it looks. Because it ain’t about where you from, it’s about where you at…

-Mr. Williams

B.O.B. (Bombs Over Boston) – If this was an actual threat this sentence would actually start with a bunch of polarizing statements about the city, but since it is a play on words, let’s get to the real topic at hand… Them. The North Koreans. Those over there that (supposedly) have missiles pointed directly at us. The thing that kills me about this whole story is that it is something that obviously stems from something way before my time and I feel like we as a people have now inherited the aftermath of this whole headache. We fought them… we left… we promised refugees homes… we didn’t mean it but we took some anyway… They got organized… They got competitive… They got cocky… They got missiles… And we just act like we don’t know they don’t exist. Is it because technically they have no color? Is it because whether or not they have any knowledge of martial arts tactics is the least of our worries? Let’s be honest, the moment Kim Jong Il passed away, I knew the missiles were permanently grounded… Unless there were to be an uprising, then it’s on. Why did I say “WE just act like we don’t know they don’t exist”? By we I mean the people that are supposedly firing all these damn drones all over the U.S. instead of ordering TSA put a bullet in Dennis Rodman for taking his drunk ass over there doing his little so-called “peace talk” the new HKIC. I respect “The Worm” for his skill on the court, but seriously… WTF!?!? You would honestly be my 48th choice for NBA favorites I’d ever want to meet, and a couple of my choices ahead of you include dead players so I have no problem waiting. Why didn’t he? Besides that riddle, is the undercurrent of contempt this country has against us. I saw a commercial of theirs that airs on there TV stations. It’s all propaganda bs, but the visuals are of a missile launching from their country to ours and leaving skyscrapers falling apart with a tattered American flag in the background. Don’t laugh because I am not joking and no I am not exaggerating even in a little bit. These are facts. These colorless mini monsters our dangling our demise over our heads as if they are taunting us to gain some respect. I can’t say I am impressed because I really see them as a threat beyond all measure. They are way different adversaries from the opposition in the last war we fought and now that we advertise how dire our finances are, we got these opportunists that want to pull their big guns out after we go on admitting we can no longer afford to keep fighting. But, when I look back at Big Kim’s reign and what he did in his time of power, all of his threats, all of his theatrics, and all the jokes that came his way while he had the missiles running tests and shit. You know what!?!? No wonder, the President don’t give no f***! I seen his daddy doing a whole musical trying to do movies in Hollywood and make friends here and it all makes sense to me now. The father is gone and whenever he had a temper tantrum about the U.S. and threatened missiles, we gave his ass some Los Angeles Lakers tickets, sent him some showgirls and let him put on shows that we promised to film and take seriously. Now we got Lil’ Kim and we give his ass Dennis Rodman to keep him cool with us. I guess that’s how you got to politic in this world to stay ahead… No not really. But wouldn’t it be cool if it was… Nope. It wouldn’t. It would be lame and we’d all be a bunch of colorful Koreans in the future. No we live in different world, don’t we? We live here in reality where we “Look don’t pull them thangs out, unless you plan to bang! Otherwise, pardon my f***ing back!” Then Kevin Hart can scream out “AL-RITE!!! AL-RITE!!! AL-RIIIIIITE!!!” right before the U.S. flash mobs into the biggest and most embarrassing Harlem Shake video known to mankind; Which in that case, I’d respectfully pull the trigger on myself.


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