July 20, 2010 at 3:42pm


3D MOVIES: Why is it that after Avatar, all these studios can come up with to convince me to see one of their sh*tty movies is to say “… It’s in 3D.” SO!!! You can see people dancing in 3D. You can see a remake of an already unpopular TV show in 3D. I’m waiting to see an Asian kid sewing soccer balls in 3D! I saw Clash of the Titans in 3D and that bullsh*t was over before I could get use to the glasses being on. If I want to pay extra to feel that uncomfortable, I’ll just pay a chick to poke me in the eyes and rake my face with her nails for an hour and a half.

CLEVELAND, OHIO: Where the hell do you get off being mad at LeBron for leaving that dump? (Yeah I said it!) Ya’ll have sucked in sports for soooooooo long and now that you will continue its LeBron’s fault. Where were ya’ll when Delonte West was doing the hanky tanky with the king’s mama!? You let Ms. Gloria James walk around town with D. West (same age as LeBron) while ya’ll was in the playoffs and ya’ll king never knew about it until he faced the biggest game of his career (at the time game 5 vs. Boston was huge. Now you know why) He took that woman to funky town and nobody said sh*t! She was inducted into the pound gang and ya’ll just stand around and watched. How dare you burn his jersey. Ya’ll should’ve been burning his mama’s bed sheets letting that woman get caught up in the Alabama crab dangle like that. You should be glad he said nothing about it and is willing to let it die down, because it may be embarrassing for him but for ya’ll it would’ve been much worse. Think of the promotional spots for that… “Come to Ohio where we’ll do you right… Just ask ya’ mama!” Which brings me to my next subject…

CRITICS OF LEBRON: I know he’s supposed to be the next face of the league. I know he’s one of the most talented players in the NBA today (besides Kobe). I know he should be thinking about his legacy. But, let’s keep it real. From the time this man picked up a basketball, there has been one thing on this man’s mind… Winning. In the junior high league it was about winning. In high school it was about winning. He skipped college because he was promised by the Cleveland Cavaliers Organization that they would build a team around him that he could win an NBA Title with. And when they didn’t deliver, now everybody wants to say “What about building a legacy here? What about having loyalty?” LeBron’s decision as shocking as it is to most is understandable to me. He didn’t come to the NBA out of high School to build a legacy. He didn’t come to earn loyalty points either. Cleveland taught him the nature of with Championships comes success, and with that irresponsible gem of knowledge, they created their own monster. He was a young mind that had a lot of growing up to do and ya’ll just showed him how to cut corners and possibly retire before his age catches up with him. You did it with Jim Brown back in the day (you thought I forgot!?) and you reap what you sew again today. As for Jordan and Barkley, I agree 100% with them. These young stars don’t understand the concept of competition but it’s not their faults the NBA sold out to top dollars and sponsorship. Ya’ll take most of their white women from them; you think they weren’t going to get compensated for that. Hell they got to go overseas just to get white ball players that can keep up LOL! Besides, if the Heat wins at least 3 championships, you two old bastards will be kissing his ass like ya’ll do Kobe this year! GO WADE OR GO HOME!!!

LOVE ON FACEBOOK: I have to admit. People can find love in the strangest of places… Sometimes. You can find it at the Bucks game. You could find it at a funeral. Hell, you could find it at your brother’s baby’s mama’s house. The one place I absolutely, positively refuse to believe is right here on facebook.
I repeat… The one place I absolutely, positively refuse to believe is right here on facebook. Let me explain. Let’s say 100 pts represent the people on FB. Ok, 30 pts are straight women the other 30 are straight men leaving the other 40 as either both, still deciding or absolutely gay. Now with that being said you have to figure half of each category will be looking for love from each other so you might get guy on the DOWN LOW or a chick with a d*ck tucked LOW DOWN. That means within the people that are looking for love ONLY 10pts possibly will or already have found it. IS THAT REALLY WORTH THE RISK (remember tucked LOW DOWN) Now this is the internet. This isn’t a condo neighborhood and the people on your wall don’t actually stay next to you or share the same bed with you, so let’s call it fairly. If you’re on here looking for love everybody on here is cheating. If you compliment a picture it will show up for your “internet love” and their “internet buddies” to see. If you comment to anyone’s status, guess who’s reading it before it hits the reciever? THIS IS A SOCIAL SITE NOT THE SIMS!!! It’s supposed to be an open letter to friends and family you lost touch with. It’s supposed to be your life long yearbook that everybody can look at and say “I was there for that sh*t!” It’s a soapbox for folks to criticize and joke about bullsh*t going on all over the world. It’s not a gottdamn black book to find her a daddy for them lil’ funky bad ass kids or his butterballed ass a place to stay for the winter (even though some of ya’ll get luck anyway still shocks me).

I’ve been attending classes at the University Of Phoenix for my Bachelor’s Degree in Entrepreneurship to Business. It was something my grandfather would ask me about every day. After I started he fell ill but he was still able to talk with me and I stayed at his bedside because regardless of how much I’ve learned along the way, there’s just some things you can’t learn from just anybody. He’s in rehabilitation and I’m at work writing this (Ain’t that a b*tch, technology). In closing I guess I can leave on a humorous note since I’ve broken a few internet hearts and offended Cleveland as a whole (f@ck ya’ll). I wish the nothing but success unless you end up playing Boston in the playoffs then I’ll have add you and all your bandwagon fans to my sh*t list (except Wade… that’s fam) But here’s a little blue story that I heard from one of my heroes (the late & great Richard Pryor) for ya’ll to share with others:

Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.

He asks her what it is and she embarrassed replies, “Oh, that’s mommy’s black sponge.”

A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, “Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!”

She replies, “I lost it, honey.”

A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, “Mommy, I found your black sponge!” Mystified, she says, “Where, honey?”

Little Johnny says, “It’s over at Mrs. Johnson’s house, and Daddy’s washing his face with it!”


Written By: Larry D. Williams II


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