August 18, 2009 at 9:29pm
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
It’s a real shame out here man, Brett Farve’s a Viking, the Mayor got beat up by a 20 year old, O.J. still locked up, MJ stuck in a Captain Crunch outfit, dead and locked inside of a solid gold casket. They don’t know if they going to bury him or shoot his ass to the moon. Nobody know nothing’! His mama got his kids, Joe sold the ranch, and did Tito get anything? Nope! Once again, the most important Jackson out of all those greasy bastards gets over-looked. What did Tito get!? And where is Bubbles the monkey at!? Tito can’t get Bubbles!? They can’t even get the man a monkey!? I know ya’ll saw that Jackson movie, remember Tito got beat for touching Papa Joe’s guitar, right? Don’t laugh, that’s a part of history! If Tito wouldn’t have taken that ass whooping that night, none of us would ever have known a Jackson unless you went to school with one. Give Tito that monkey!
I don’t believe in midgets… At all. I know you seem them on TV, but you know what, I choose to just pretend they’re not there and maybe they’ll go away.
I tried to get a hold of VH1 and pitch some ideas for new shows. I mean, why not!? Seems easy enough, there’s some more f****d up celebrities that need love in their lives too! But my shows will be that real fire to get them prime time ratings. Shows like “R. KELLY’S GOLDEN SHOWERS OF LOVE” or “BE BOBBY BROWN’S BABY MAMA”. Don’t say you wouldn’t watch it…
I really catch a lot of heat for trying to get O.J. out of jail, but honestly can you blame me? I mean let’s be real here. Yeah, he beat a murder wrap that a lot of people believe he was guilty for. I don’t think he did it because, in my opinion, he’s not that bright to beat a murder wrap with all the evidence on him. The man went to jail for getting caught stealing his own shit! In my eyes, that makes him retarded and that’s when I have to say, “Maybe he didn’t know he couldn’t do that.” Listen to him talk, the man is slow!
I was with one of guy at the barber shop and he told me about this old school Asian dude he had working for him. Said his name was Cho. Now one day, Cho called in sick. He was like, “Hey, I no come work today. I rearry sick. Got headache, stomach ache and regs hurt. I no come work.”
My guy said, “Aye Cho, I really need you in today. When I get sick like you, you know what I do? I go to my wife and tell her to give me some sex. That makes everything better for me and I go to work. You should try that.”
Two hours later Cho called back. “I do what you say and I feer Great. I be at work soon. You got nice house!”
Now some of you may think that’s funny, but let me tell you. 6 out of 10 males suffer from infidelity issues due to an old school china man jumping up and down on another man’s wife. That sh*t is no joke. That Wu-Tang shit ain’t nuthin’ 2 fuck with!!
I think I got the perfect pizza meal for Pizza Hut. It’s a deep deep deep dish pizza. It’s got 3 different kinds of dipping sauces baked into the crust. But that’s not all! (You can tell I’m excited, right) You get 4 different kinds of pizzas, 3 two liter sodas, 6 chalupa wraps, a bucket of KFC, a family size bag of your favorite chips, cheesy bread, a pair of Incredible Hulk Smash Hands for the kids, paper plates & napkins with President Obama’s picture on them, a brownie fudge cake in plastic case and change from your purchase all baked inside the deep deep deep dish pizza. I call it “PIZZA HUT’S CHEESY BREADIN’, CHICKEN KICKIN’, SODA SIPPIN’, SALTY CHIPPIN’, BROWNIE FLIPPIN’, CHALUPA WRAPPIN’, HULK SMASHIN’, PAPER NAPKIN, BIG MUTHAF@*#IN’ MONEY TRAPPIN’ PIZZA!”
Written By: Larry D. Williams II